More than words...

I have really been struggling lately with the once simple task of jotting down a few words and then putting them to some catchy music and calling it "songwriting". That last statment really jumps out at me and screams immaturity and maybe lets me know that there is perhaps a few reasons for my inability to shell out the lyrics these days.
A few years ago it seemed so easy to just spill out some words and call it a song. I think that part of the reason for that was the words were so shallow. Don't get me wrong, yes, they did lift up God and yes they did turn into songs that people liked and enjoyed singing; but they were still shallow. The words that I would write and sing were written because they were what was right. That is what we were supposed to sing about. We knew that God was supposed to be great, and awesome, and amazing, and good and all of that other stuff that we learn in sunday school, but the truth was that we didn't "know" it personally. It was easy to jot down things like that. These days it is not as easily done.

I feel, hope, and know that I have grown in my faith in the past years and learned more about Jesus, my ministry, my faith, and myself. I think that this is the reason that these words are so much harder to write. The way I feel about my relationship with Christ can not be put into the simple words that I used to use. Now, when I write a song or try to explain to others through music what it feels like to know Him, what it feels like to know that you are inadequate, and what it feels like to need Him, I look at the words and feel that they are not good enough for my Father. He is the Saviour, the glory of the world and of all the ages, he deserves the best.
I have recently realized the truth in King David's words, "my righteousness is as filthy rags". I am dirty. I am unclean, and in truth, not worthy of singing praises to the Father or even calling Him by name. I am so thankful that he allows me and us to do so, we are so undeserving and so unappreciative. I feel as though the words that I need to describe how I feel are not known to any human language. Words seem so much harder to write because they now mean so much more than before. They are more personal and more meaningful. I want them to be something that when God hears them it makes him smile and perhaps even makes a tear of joy run down his eye at the sound, at the thought of one of his children singing that song for Him. I want him to be happy and proud.

Right now we have seven or eight songs that will go on the next album and we would like to have eleven full length songs. I have done most of the writing for this album and I feel as though it is not as good for the reason that I do not feel adequate to write for my God. However, he will provide, he always does. I want to really believe that. I want to believe that he will provide the words and music for me to give him this gift of praise and to offer the talents that he has given me, back to him. These next four or five songs on the album I believe will be much different than any of the others that will be on there. I am not exactly sure how they will be different, but I can just feel in my soul that they will be and hopefully much more effective in conveying the Gospel of Truth to believers and to the lost and my message of love to my Father.