Well here I am, at what seems to be perhaps the greatest crossroad of all crossroads in this little thing that we call life. I am faced with decisions that will effect so many other decisions that the course and path of my life, family, and friends could be altered forever. What if I make the wrong choice, what then? Will you simply pick up the pieces that I have made such a mess of and put them back together and make it the way that you want it to be? I hope and pray that you don't have to do that. I hope that you will give me the guidance and wisdom that I need in order to make the right decision the first time.
I love playing music. I love singing and I love doing it for you most of all. However, we are all getting to a point in our lives that something is going to have to change for us ministerial. We are either going to have to be doing this full time or as a hobby. I hate the idea of doing it as a hobby but I really don't know what else to do right now. I mean we aren't playing enough gigs to be able to support ourselves financially and none of us even have families yet. I would love to pursue music completely and totally as a career and a ministry for you, but Father you know that it takes money to pay bills and to support a family and right now that is something that we would not be able to have. I am scared that we are in a sense giving up on you and I don't want to do that. I don't want to give up when if we could have hung in just a little bit longer, you would have given us our heart's desire and your desire for us aswell. This is quite the frustration.
This is my senior, well last year of college (finally) and there are going to be a few changes that take place in my life aswell as in the lives of my band mates. There are two classes that I must take in order to graduate and the best time for me to take them is during the summer and that will take up both summer sessions. I know that we were hoping to be playing full time in the summer and be able to really go at it, but we aren't booked up for the summer and we can't go in completely blind. I am planning on taking those classes during both sessions and I think that Charles Mc is planning on doing the Teach Northeast Program aswell. With both of us having to concentrate on school, I'm not sure how much we will be able to do band wise. I feel like such a sell-out.
However, there is still hope. We are going to GMA (Gospel Music Association) Week in April and we will be playing a showcase in front of record labels and management companies in Nashville, TN. Harris' cousin worked for a record label in Nashville at one time and he is supposed to be getting in touch with them to make sure that they pay attention to us. If something can come from that then we may not have to worry about our summer school or money or anything else. Then of course there is the contest that we are entering in to try and win the recording contract and the tour in China and the US, that could really help out a lot too. Father you know our hearts and what we long to be doing, if it be your will please give that to us and allow us to bless you with it.
If nothing fruitful comes from GMA or the Band with a Mission contest then comes the hard part, what to do now. Charles Mc and I will both go to school during the summer and he will get married in August. I will graduate in December. I will do one of two things. I will go to Grambling and finish my nursing degree that I started before and then changed to Kinesiology because I wouldn't be able to focus on music as much while being in nursing. I will try to get as many minority scholarships as I can so that I will not have to pay for much of my schooling. I may even sign a contract with a hospital in Monroe and get them to pay for some of my school in agreeance that I will work for them "x" number of years after I graduate from the program. After I graduate, I will work as a nurse for a while and then pursue either a nurse practitioner or pharmaceutical sales. The other option is staying here at Steel Fab. When I first started here after working here about a month or so, my supervisor had told me that our boss really liked me and admired my ambition to learn and succeed. I wound up talking to Mr. John (big boss) and he told me that my supervisor had shared the same thoughts with him. I'm sure that over the course of the past year that my supervisor has lost some interest in the because he sees how devoted that I am to my music and has lost hope in me being full time here at Steel Fab. However, if music were not as much of a factor anymore then I would appeal to the fact that my devotion to music would then swing toward my work and hope that would secure me a full time job here.
Plain and simple, I don't know what lies in the future. "I know who holds the future, it is You." (The Cathedrals) I want to sing and play music and be able to make a living at doing what I love and worshiping you all the same while doing it, if it is in your will. If not, please give me and all of us the courage to do what we must and swallow this bitter pill. Give us strength and guidance as we face what could perhaps be our greatest enemy ever, our not knowing. To all who will read this, please pray for us. Thanks.
See you in the clouds...
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