Flying and other problems...

Here I am yet again at work and with every ounce of my being TRYING to appear busy. I have done all of the work that is really required of me right now and I'm at the "look busy" stage. Anyway, while I sit here I think about several different things that plague my mind at their joy and my expense. First of all is school and the fact that I still haven't been advised yet and if I intend on graduating next spring, this is probably something that I should get done rather quickly. Also along with that is finals, the dreaded tests that teachers recieve their devilish grins from as students literally make themselves sick studying for them.
Next would probably be my first flight and how I can't wait until I get to take another. I have wanted to write a blog about my first flight but it was just so amazing that I really could not find the words that I needed to talk about it. Thank goodness that I was able to pull it off with no one getting hurt or letting the world fall into some sort of catastrophic state. I guess the "hero" came out on top again. It was definetly a place that felt like home and I felt as though a part of me had been reborn. I really don't know what else to say about that flight...it was amazing.
Perhaps the thing weighing the heaviest on my mind right now is a close friend of mine and a fellow fighter. He is like me in a lot of ways yet so different and more negative than I could ever dream of being. He is in a lot of pain and may have to undergo some surgery to fix him and I have to admit that I have been somewhat selfish in the fact that I just don't want to have to do it without him. He's really an important part of what we do. We have all noticed somewhat of an increased negativity in his attitude and this bothers us...a lot. We all have to understand that our REAL jobs come first...before family, school, relationships and everything. That's just how this thing works. We have been called to something bigger and more important than our own selves. I hope he understands that. If anyone at all reads this...please pray for us and for him that I don't throw him through a wall and the other two don't tear his head off. Seriously, pray for him and his problems and us too that the enemy wouldn't be able to get in. Gotta go, hero stuff to do...See you in the clouds...

First flight...

I don't think that I have ever been this nervous. Have I ever been this anxious about anything? I don't really think so. I have been roaming around all day just wondering and thinking to myself about the logistics of what I have to do. I have come to this conclusion, there is absolutely nothing logical about it. I mean really. There are so many things that tell me that this is impossible but then I hear this voice in my head saying, "No, it's ok. Calm down and do what you are supposed to do. Fulfill your destiny and be who you are meant to be." That's really easy for him to say. He doesn't have the consequences that I could have to face. I just don't know.
This morning in the weight room, as if I weren't shaky enough, I was pulling on some cable and weights (trying to keep the open display of what I can really do to a minimum ya know) and as I was pulling down on it the cable snapped and all the weights came crashing down. As I said before, like I needed anything else to get me shook up. My heart was going 90 to nothing for a pretty good while after that. I couldn't run and couldn't quit talking to God in the steam room because it was just so thick on my mind. This is killing me.
Very seldom if ever do I get to sit at work and do absolutely nothing. Jeff just told me, "Here I can give this to you to put on your desk and make you look busy. You've already done everything that I have here." After that big honkin job that I just got through with I should be welcoming some free time and relaxation. But of all days, today! Now, I'm stuck here and having to think about it. I'm excited yeah, but horrified all the same. What if I screw up? People's lives could be at stake. The world as we know it could even cease to exist. Oh the pressure. Is this what makes me do the best job that I can or what keeps me from doing the best? So many questions and just not enough answers or time to find all of the answers.
I know what I have to do and I don't have a choice as to whether or not I can do it. It must be done. I have to know what it's like. I've been waiting for something, I've been sitting for too long. I've been waiting but oh tonight this one last try goes on and on and on. Well I guess it's now or never.
... See you in the clouds...