First flight...

I don't think that I have ever been this nervous. Have I ever been this anxious about anything? I don't really think so. I have been roaming around all day just wondering and thinking to myself about the logistics of what I have to do. I have come to this conclusion, there is absolutely nothing logical about it. I mean really. There are so many things that tell me that this is impossible but then I hear this voice in my head saying, "No, it's ok. Calm down and do what you are supposed to do. Fulfill your destiny and be who you are meant to be." That's really easy for him to say. He doesn't have the consequences that I could have to face. I just don't know.
This morning in the weight room, as if I weren't shaky enough, I was pulling on some cable and weights (trying to keep the open display of what I can really do to a minimum ya know) and as I was pulling down on it the cable snapped and all the weights came crashing down. As I said before, like I needed anything else to get me shook up. My heart was going 90 to nothing for a pretty good while after that. I couldn't run and couldn't quit talking to God in the steam room because it was just so thick on my mind. This is killing me.
Very seldom if ever do I get to sit at work and do absolutely nothing. Jeff just told me, "Here I can give this to you to put on your desk and make you look busy. You've already done everything that I have here." After that big honkin job that I just got through with I should be welcoming some free time and relaxation. But of all days, today! Now, I'm stuck here and having to think about it. I'm excited yeah, but horrified all the same. What if I screw up? People's lives could be at stake. The world as we know it could even cease to exist. Oh the pressure. Is this what makes me do the best job that I can or what keeps me from doing the best? So many questions and just not enough answers or time to find all of the answers.
I know what I have to do and I don't have a choice as to whether or not I can do it. It must be done. I have to know what it's like. I've been waiting for something, I've been sitting for too long. I've been waiting but oh tonight this one last try goes on and on and on. Well I guess it's now or never.
... See you in the clouds...