It's 12:45am on Tuesday morning and I am well aware of the fact that I should have been asleep hours ago. I justify the fact that I'm not partly to the fact that Jonathan and Whitney just left about thirty minutes ago. I love being around them. They remind me of what happiness looks like. They remind me like Matt and Joni and Brian and Julie, My mom and dad. I remember what happiness looked like and I wonder if I'll ever see as pure of a form of happiness as that again. I know that I'm jaded a bit and I'm stubborn and I'm hard headed but I know that the past year of my life has been God trying to teach me a lesson that He is enough. I don't need anyone else in the whole world in order to be fully satisfied and happy, no one but Him.
You know that weird feeling that you get when you are about to leave on a trip that lasts over a week and you have the gut wrenching feeling that you forgot everything that is essential to life itself? You ask yourself if you remembered to get your underwear and did you pack enough? You wonder if you remembered your toothpaste so you will actually be able to engage in conversation with real people and not just books, they don't care if your breath is bad. Or you could be like me and toil over whether or not you remembered your phone charger so you'll be able to keep in touch with the rest of the world.
That's how I feel right now. I feel like God is about to send me on some wild ride that is going to be totally amazing and he's going to blow my mind. However, I feel like I'm forgetting something. I feel like that little voice in the back of my head is more than just my paranoia this time. I feel like it's God telling me, "Hey, I am trying to give you something don't leave it behind." It's crazy I know, but how I feel nonetheless.
I have the tendency to think too much and to over analyze things and to figure out every possible angle that could be produced, my dad said it would have made me a good lawyer, mcdonald says I just worry too much. I know I'm not at the point yet that I know that he's enough. I don't think that we can ever really reach the point of really "knowing" that he's enough until he is all that we have. Maybe he's still trying to teach me, I don't know. Maybe I just need to shut up and pick up my feet and let him carry me wherever he wants to go and to whoever he wants to take me to. It's strange how I (and I'm sure you as well) try to out think God and try to weigh out all the options of doing things. He's already taken care of all the details of our journey and he's paved the rest for us to enjoy, learn, endure, and grow from.
I think the best thing that I and all of us can do is simply trust, you know have faith, and just hold on for the ride and we should probably let God pack for us too. He doesn't forget things.
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It sounds like to me you have all the answers. but just like for me the hard part is truly letting everthing go. We as humans just want to lay all of our worries and fears and aprihension at the alter, but when we get up put a little of it back in our pockets to carry it with us. Dusty I know God has something amazing for you. I can remember our conversations a little over a year ago, and I was in the same boat as you, but just look what God has done in a year, and Ii know he will do the same for you. Be encouraged and keep fighting! I love you Brother!
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