Waking the dead...

Me: Good movie, yeah?
Tim: Yeah it was pretty good. Not as scary as I thought it would be.
Me: No, but it was suspensful, kinda like Red Eye.
Tim: Yeah.
Me: Did you see that?
Tim: Yeah, it was good. Dude, why is there pee on the floor of the stall?
Me: It's a bathroom.
Tim: But why pee on the floor?
Me: I don't know. (I was thinking of something crafty to say but nothing happened.)
I think it's time to start writing again.
Tim: Like songs?
Me: Yes, but that's not what I meant.
Tim: What'd you mean?
Me: Stories, stuff...just write.

So here I am writing again. It's been so long. I've asked myself the question, "What do I have to write?" When in fact, the better question would be, "Where do I start?" I have so many thoughts and ideas flooding my mind that I really don't know where to begin. I know how cliche' it sounds to say that, and that emotions are clouding even the simplest of thought processes. I'm rambling, I know. I would apologize but there has to be some starting point at which, hopefully something more than nonsense comes out of my brain.
I've really been struggling with being single and dealing with the decision that God called me (and Molly) to make several weeks ago. Through her, God showed me some amazing things about myself but most of all about him. He showed me, by allowing me to love her, what His loving the church is like. It was incredible. Through her, he showed me the compassionate and caring side of his love; while stirring in me the love of strength and honor. He instilled in my soul the longing to be brave and strong.
Recently of come to grips with the fact that I still long for those things. I long for that love that I felt from her and how it reminded of my God's love for me. I think more so however, I have longed to have someone to fight for and to protect. I felt as though God had intrusted me with this amazing gift to look after and protect. I miss that. Every man wants to be found courageous and brave, strong and noble, heroic. I know that it sounds cheesy to some but deep within our souls, God made us that way. He made every woman beautiful and they all have a desire to know and be told that they are beautiful. Each beautiful woman of God longs to be pursued the way that Christ pursues the church. I have wanted someone to be strong for. I wanted to know that my strength and my courage was needed. I wanted to know that someone needed me to rescue her and to protect her. I finally admitted that to God today, as if He didn't already know.
His answer stopped me dead in my tracks. My head bowed for I felt humbled, shamed, honored, loved, and needed all at the same time. My God, my true love, replied..."Be strong for me. Fight for me. Be brave for me. Love me."